"Life is no way to treat an animal."

And so it goes.
Yes, this is about the passing of one of the greatest authors, Kurt Vonnegut. The piece of writing that introduced me to Vonnegut was from his collection of short stories, Welcome to the Monkeyhouse and the story was "Harrison Bergeron". The first novel I read by him was Cat's Cradle and loved every page of it. And from then on, I was hooked. And he has undoubtedly been a huge influence on popular culture.
Interestingly enough, The Dandy Warhol's album Welcome to the Monkeyhouse is (in my opinion) one of their better works. And yes, it is named after Vonnegut's book.

Hooray for sandwiches

The title is actually a combination of two things that are jumping around in my head. Obviously, as pictured above, I am fulfilling my duty as advertising whore and doing a wee bit of product placement. But "Smoked Wheat" really is worth it. I happened upon it at the grocery store the other day and that was that. It has sauce, which I like. And it's another item I can use in my newly purchased microwave. Looking back on that past year and a half, I can't believe I did without. piss. I just realized that I'm devoting far too much time discussing food and food-related topics.

"Hooray for murder!"
Hopefully this will work properly. It's my first time that's me giving dues to recessbandit. What I was saying. Enjoy the video - it's from Robot Chicken.

Robot Chicken: Carebears

mmmmmm, that's good rainbow

beep beep

Listening to the news of a particular politician that will not be seeking re-election and instead will be going back to the family business has caused me to think. Currently this high-profile politician will be returning to a very lucrative position at an automobile manufacturing type of company just as rumours are cast that this large company may be looking to buy out a very large Name Brand car company. So, what does this have to do with me? Nothing, except it has me thinking about what some businesses do differently than others to succeed. How is it that this company became so large and lucrative? A company started by one man. And this one man whom actually rented out space within my grandfather's automobile parts company - helping him establish himself in the automobile industry. Truly I am curious to know if it is a combination of dedication, business savvy, sacrifice or what that had this man exceed beyond the limitations of those that gave him a start in the beginning. And, if I name drop, could I get a job?

M'Dream

Right then. I will attempt to recite my dream as best as I can recall. Mind, some details are sketchy, possibly I wasn't paying attention at the time? Anywhore. My dream had a sort of hospital "ER" vibe about it. I think it started with this guy dying and there was speculation that within a few days they'd be able to reattach his brain (American Dad?). So my dream is centered around this one particular doctor who bears a striking similarity to Mark Greene from ER (what can I say, Revenge of the Nerds is a classic) and trying to hide this particular corpse so he can later attempt his reanimation experiment. This I'm thinking stems from my underlying fear that one day the dead will be reanimated and zombies will be the latest 'terrorist' attack. Actually, it's not a very exciting dream come to think of it. Trying to stuff the body in the staff's lunch room freezer, and dressing the body up like Mark Greene and placing him under covers in his cot. A sudden medical emergency calls all doctors away, but for some reason Greene just has one more thing to secure things so that Corpse isn't taken away. Actually, this seemed far more riveting in my head. My apologies. Let's just say it ends with me actually doing some quick thinking (obviously a dream). When asked why he doesn't have his scrubs on (after dressing Corpse in them) I brilliantly answer by stating I threw up on him and proceed to throw up again. So I guess that's my contribution to the medical community - vomiting on demand.
good times.

An old and overused joke, but funny nonetheless

As I as waiting for the picture to load I realized just how immature I am. What gave it away was not that I gain amusement from this photo, but that when my dog just released a bubble toot, I laughed.

My "Experiment"

Really it isn't an experiment, merely an observation. But by calling it an experiment it helps for me to not appear quite as scatter-brained and forgetful. Anyway, I digress. It has been about five months that I have been driving with an invalid sticker on my license plate. Granted I do have the valid sticker in my possession, I just have yet to replace it. Now to me the astonishing thing is the difference of a town's police force. In previous years when I had difficulties with an uncooperative sticker that wouldn't stay in place, therefore making it necessary for me to keep sticker inside the car, I've always have had quite a different experience. In the past, whilst living in a different area of the province, I'd been pulled over by what is known as the York Pork. And this would occur perhaps one month (at the most) past the date of the expired sticker visible. Is it clear what I'm carrying on about? How remarkably different the patrolling strategies of towns can be. In one town, in which the authoritarian units have been nicknamed, it takes only a mere four weeks for a money producing infraction to be spotted. And yet in another town, this apparent violation has yet to incur any charges. Now with mentioning this, I really should go take care of my sticker, just in case I become superstitious and jinx myself.

Toilet Paper

It seems almost irrelevant to continue griping about the qualms of the world as there is now one less viewer connected to what will ultimately be the quiet killer of human beings. But enough of this humdrum talk - I actually have positive babble to spew.

Currently I'm at a point in which a decision must be made. Similar to Mick Jones' question, "Should I Stay or Should I Go", I must decide as to what path I must take for a satisfactory life. Fortunately I appear to have a few options - although it is rather unfortunate as I am rather indecisive - so I'd imagine that regardless of the choice I make things will work out.

Not really a person to rely on chance but willing to allow my decision to be made by others, I've decide to rely on a previous purchase to make my decision. Last year I bought a value pack of toilet paper and I've decided to let that be the deciding factor. I will stay in this town/apartment until the toilet paper runs out. And that is when I'll move on to other adventures. As it stands, it looks as though I may be staying here for the duration of the summertime, perhaps working part-time and earning my TESL certificate. And then a'travellin' I will go.

So again, I must thank the trees that were cut down and turned into pulp so that people around the world could wipe their arses. But if there's any consolation, the trees may take comfort in the knowledge that their by-product helped me make a rather significant decision.

And now I will urge anyone to plant a tree. And for those that are deluded into believing that there has been no environmental impact from our actions, I'll rephrase for you. Go plant a tree so that you may continue to wipe your fat ass.

The Dollar Store

What a great retail establishment "The Dollar Store" is. And you really can get almost anything you could possibly need there. The other day I was perusing through the aisles when I found what I believe to be the most interesting item to be available thus far. The item? A pregnancy test. *shiver* Eww. Imagine the people that would use such an item and realize that they are breeding. I shudder to think.

Dead & Buried

I'm sitting at my computer and in the background I can hear the TV and the topic that is being discussed is Anna Nicole Smith. It could be perhaps my fault for not changing the channel so that an entertainment news show is not on my TV, but I can't believe what is going on. Regardless of Anna Nicole Smith's 'celebrity', it is disturbing that this fiasco has gone on this long. It was a couple of weeks before her body was buried, which in normal circumstances, well, would never happen. It's inhumane really. Hey, let's have a couple of cameras at the funeral. How novel! And now this fighting to try to exhume the bodies and whatever nonsense is going on. I don't have any religious beliefs that may be linked to this, but I now have an understanding in the cliched 'rest in peace'.
Maybe I'm just as guilty by discussing the coldness of this debacle.

The Stapler

Busily attaching all of my papers together I experienced an enormous sense of panic. Can it be? I'm out of staples? The panic dissipated soon after I found the box of staples in the desk drawer under a stack of unpaid bills. And that's when it occurred to me. The stapler is by far the best of all office supplies.

Sureshot? Nope - eww.

Whatever that nasty bug is that is dancing around with people decided to put me on the dance-card. How lucky. And to add to the already disorientation of the illness, I went into the washroom to discover the light was broken. Electricity be damned - my previously ingested meal wanted to escape the same way it entered. And so I complied in the darkness in the bathroom. After a few more visits I was fairly certain that light was not necessary for the upheaval of undigested food sorts so I thought nothing of it when I simply had to pee. There was nothing out of the ordinary as I stumbled back into my bedroom.
Then in the light of the following morning I saw it. Vomit all over the toilet seat - with the exception of some areas in which I must have inadvertently sat in it. Sadly I did not even feel it at the time. Perhaps it had already dried?
But thank goodness I don't have the trots, right?

Boomtown Rat?

What is it about the past few Mondays that has me wanting to sleep so much? Granted I don't have any commitments until later on in the evening, but even that I'm having difficulties fulfilling.

Perhaps I am harboring too much resentment for some unidentified source.

The Disney Conspiracy

Okay, so maybe it's not a conspiracy, but it does have a nice ring to it, and it rhymes. But the other day, I was flipping through the channels and MuchMusic was playing a Black Eyed Peas video. And dancing around was a scantily clad 'Fergie'. So that got me thinking. There seems to be a trend of pop stars appearing on Disney sponsored television programming as children and then growing up to become 'sexified' stars, pimping out their bodies and such. I give you my examples:
Britany Spears - Mickey Mouse Club
Christina Aguilera - MMC
Justin Timberlake - MMC
another guy from a boyband - MMC
Stacy (Fergie) Ferguson - Kids Inc.
I'm sure there's more. But that is all I've got to say about it. It's bad enough I devoted this much attention to it. Poor Walt must be turning in his Cryno-Freezer.

The Following is Taken from Somewhere Else:

Druids, pagans protest naming of Christmas tree
Posted in Polity parody, General Skwib at 11:01 am by Mark A. Rayner

Ottawa (The Skwib) — A group of pagans have appeared in front of Rideau Hall to protest the naming of a tree.

“In ancient Celtic practice, the evergreen tree is a symbol of rebirth, and should not be connected with a Christian religious holiday,” Lugh Fripwhipple, spokesperson for the Gargantuan Organization Devoted to Lovers of Earth, Spirits and Society (GODLESS) told The Skwib.

“No it’s not!” said Hragnor Bootflak, High Priest of the Society of Odin Devotees (SODs). “The evergreen is a sacrifice tree — you should hang sheep testicles off it, not candy canes!”

“Wait, wait,” said Mamma Bulemia, Mistress of the Virgin Association of the Great, Inexpressible Nature Animists (VAGINA), “it’s about the love that Mother Nature has for all of us. We shouldn’t be putting them up at all!”

Randy Mylyk, a spokesperson for the Governor General (GG), said there had been a misunderstanding about the naming, but that did not please the protestors.

The trouble began with a CBC radio interview, when another Rideau Hall spokeswoman Lucie Brosseau had said: “At Rideau Hall, we will be putting up a holiday tree as we find it reflects the traditions of many cultures, and it is inclusive.”

“We just want to represent the Christian holiday,” another, as yet unnamed, GG spokesperson told The Skwib.

“I think all true worshipers, whether from GODLESS, SODs or VAGINA can agree that the decorating of an evergreen to celebrate a Christian holiday is contrary to the wishes of the spirit of the tree,” Fripwhipple said. “We don’t think the GG should have a tree at all.”

Other religious groups were asked to comment, but wisely refused.

A similar protest erupted in Boston after the mayor decided to name their festive flora a Christmas tree, but the pagans were quickly silenced in a series of “conversions” by Rev. Jerry Falwell’s crack “Grinch Gang”.

__________________________________________________________________________
Can a member from “Godless” get into “Vagina ” just by asking permission?

Mark A. Rayner said,

December 3, 2005 at 11:01 am

I think there may be an admissions committee. m.

http://www.markarayner.com/blog/archived/313/

**********
Man I love the holidays. Lately more and more disgruntled people are coming out to protest either the display of a Christmas tree or even the mere identification as such. Again, these are probably the same people that want kids to play sports and not keep score. It is a Christmas tree. I am not a religious person by any means, and to me it is called a Christmas tree. And it's true. If people want to play the 'it's so unfair. It's all about Christianity' card, then remind them that the symbol of the tree is taken from other beliefs and traditions. Christmas has become so commercialized anyway, so who cares?

Warning: The Following Story Did Indeed Happen

It is true. We do need to worry about the state of the world. Especially if people like the the one in the following story will be in it.

After ordering a sandwich, I made way to the cash register to pay for it. The 'sandwich artist' slowly punched the buttons on the register and gave me the total. $7.28
I counted out .28 cents and gave it to her along with a ten dollar bill. Puzzled, she looks at the change in her hand and asks, "What is this? Is this a tip or something?"
Me, "Er, no. It's .28 cents. 'Cause it came to $7.28"
So with the .28 cents still cupped in one hand, she began to count out my change, $2.72.
Me, "It's going to be $3 change back to me."
Again confused, she looked up at me and then at the register's screen, "No, $2.72."
Me, "But I gave you $10.28. It came to $7.28, right?"
Holding the change in one hand, she picks up the ten, "We don't need the change. You gave me this" [indicating the ten].

It was at this point that I had to again try to explain that I gave her the 'extra' .28 cents to make it an even $10.28 so I could get three dollars back. I still don't think she understood, but she did slam three loonies into my hand.

How can someone be this clueless? I understand sometimes we forget things but it quickly comes back to us upon reminder. This was as though she's never even known about adding or subtracting. Scary.

It's the Thought that Counts?

Not too long ago I received a gift that was presented to me in a gift bag. Interestingly, it had someone else's name on it, indicating that this gift bag was a Re-Use. Now it should be stated that I do appreciate the idea of recycling and reusing; however, do not leave evidence of said practice. Additionally, presenting the random gift in a plastic bag would be just as effective as I could later use the bag as a doggie-poop-bag.

Why My Sister is Better Than Your Sister

Redemption for Musical Preference?

Not too long ago as my sister and I were "slavelishly" sorting through old, attic-stored mementos, we happened upon my collection of New Kids on the Block paraphenalia. Needless to say, I was once again the butt of much ridicule. I tried to defend my actions, but to no avail.
Some time later I began to reminisce about my 8th grade year and I tried to sort of some sort of soundtrack. Really, I was attempting to redeem myself for being a pre-pubescent lemming by thinking of other samples of music I listened to at the time. The following is a brief list:
*violent femmes
*depeche mode
*Tears for Fears "Sowing The Seeds of Love"
*B-52's "Love Shack"
*Faith No More "Epic"

Well I'm off to "watch" my class now.

but reviewing this short list of my musical preference whilst in grade 8, I see that just maybe I deserve that ridicule inflicted upon me by my older sister.

Lunatics

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.">